There's no HOLIDAY

Assalamualaikum.
Heya.
Again,wanna say..let's take a break.
From talking 'bout Salad.

I've been thinking.Nahh...im realised that its almost end of this years although there's more days left.

I feel kinda sad.huh.

Knowing that we werents gone anywhere due to vehicles crisis.even we can hang out with Grab or Uber..it doesnt worth at all expect if we're renting a car.if its,its meants.

I ended up stuck at home.wasting my gold times.

Sleepless.
Studyless.
Workless.

Any suggest for me?how to fly away from this feels?

I really wanna study.
I really wanna take an examinations.
I really wanna stuck with books.
I really wanna fall in love with study.
I really wanna achieve my own dreams.
I really wanna pursue my passions.
I really wanna be a successful person.like others.
I really wanna be crazy and sicks with studies.
But.............
I ended up here.
At home.
With no friends.
With no courage.
To study.
Even to open up any books.
.................
.................
.................
I dont know.
I dont understand.
I dont wanna even to understand.
............
I feel pity at myself.
I feel so stupid.
And.....
I feels sad.Too....
As Im feeling excited plus nervous..will be taking SPM examinations...
No one can help me with pursuing my studies.
I barely talk any words.
I barely face that truth.
...........
Allah tests me now.
I dont know how to spill.
What i've could to say?
......
Angry towards Him?
Or
Just keep sitting?
Or
Take some actions?

What?what?what should I do now?
.................

Barely spill.
If i could,take a pill.
Wanna dissappear.
A while.

..............